


La Douleur Exquise

by Luxes



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Tags will be added while story progresses
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-17
Updated: 2014-11-17
Packaged: 2018-02-25 18:45:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2632355
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Luxes/pseuds/Luxes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>The exquisite pain of wanting someone that you know you can never have, and knowing that you will still try to be with them.</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	La Douleur Exquise

 

“I think we should break up.”

“What?”

_Nothing exciting ever happened in this town. Day after day, year after year, it was the same thing. Eat, sleep, school. Eat, sleep, school._

“I mean… I’m breaking up with you, Vriska.” 

_Nobody here shared the same excitement as I did. Nobody understood. How could people in this small, pathetic town be so content with living boring lives? How could they be satisfied with going through the same routine every single god damn day? What happened to the dreams we had as children? The dreams we had about sailing the seas, building empires, and traveling the world?_

“What the fuck, Tav? After all the shit that I’ve done for you, you’re going to drop me like a sack of bricks? Just like that?”

“No… I mean, yes… Yes, I am. Vriska, you’re… I don’t feel the same way about you like how I used to. I thought that, at first, you just had a really… fiery personality. But, now I realize you’re just mean. A relationship with you is, to put it lightly, exhausting.”

_I had thought everyone here was boring. There was no one for me to connect to. No one who had the same passion as I did for life. No one who understood what it meant to want to get out and just live a little. Everyone was so happy living as if they were already dead. What was the point in that? A life like that…_

“… Fine.”

_Living like that…_

“Do what you want. When you start getting bored of being a cripple again, don’t come looking for me for support. I’d rather not waste my time on somebody who can’t see things through to the end. I thought you were different, Tavros. I thought you wanted adventure. I thought you were more like me.”

“I don’t… I don’t mind my handicap, Vriska. I can accept that. I can accept the way I am now. Why can’t you? I know what my limitations are, but you-”

_… is depressing._

“Why do you have to give up like that!? Limitations… It’s BULLSHIT and you KNOW IT! All of you make me fucking sick to my stomach!”

_And I refuse to associate myself with depressing people._

You are going to be completely honest right now and admit that today is turning out to be a particularly shitty day.

First, your boyfriend… ahem, _ex-boyfriend_ woke you up an hour early today to meet you before school started, just to tell you he was dumping you for being too rude. What the fuck is that even supposed to mean? You suppose encouraging people to expand their horizons and achieve their dreams can suddenly be considered being a bad person now. And after all the hard work and money you put into him, too. You bought that son of a bitch tickets to a treasure hunting event at the beach and he starts sputtering shit like _“Oh but I can’t walk.” “Oh my wheelchair will interfere with the metal detector.” “Oh Vriska oh, boohoohoo I have no legs boohoohoo.”_ … Okay, so maybe the swimming part of the event would have been a little difficult. But you would've swam for the both of you! Fall weather is prime time for swimming!

“What-the-fuck-EVER.” You pull the tickets out of your pocket and crumple them in between your hands before you spike them into the nearest trash bin on the side of the road. It’s not like you had anyone else to go with. Well, there was Eridan, but…

You immediately dismissed that thought as Eridan’s smug face came to your mind, and how annoying he would be as he made a huge _speech_ after every single treasure he found. Yeah no thanks. You briefly entertained the thought about asking Kanaya to go with you, but you and her were not exactly on speaking terms for the time being. She had liked you for quite a long time, and you knew it, took advantage of her kindness and openness, and then ditched her for Tavros when he was released from the hospital after months of rehabilitation. You watched her cry and she punched you in the face during a New Year’s party. You aren’t mad at her, and you have tried time and time again to make amends, but Kanaya has made it painfully clear that she still has not forgiven you just yet.

 

You don’t blame her.

 

And speak of the devil, “Hey, Kanaya!” she just so happens to be taking the same path to school as you. You almost forgot that she arrives early to help out with clubroom activities. She’s the president of the fashion club at your school.

Kanaya doesn’t turn to look at you, her gaze remaining forward. You do some sort of stupid looking jog-run to catch up with her and stuff your hands in your pockets, tilting your head so you can look at her face. 

“Do you need something, Miss Serket?” Yikes. Formalities. She must be in a bad mood. Well, you know just the news that will cheer her up.

“Not really. I’ve been having a bit of a rough morning. Tavros woke me up early to meet with me by that old dried up well near the park.”

Her frown seemed to deepen, and she spoke with thick bitterness in her voice. “How nice.” Honestly, you could almost laugh. 

“Mhmmm. Yup, he dumped me. Said I was too mean for him. Can you believe it? After all the time I spent with him and things I had bought him and help I gave him. I spent a lot of money on that nitwit! Ugh! You know, I got us tickets to do something really fun together and he goes on and on about how he can’t because he’s crippled, and then when I tried to encourage him a bit, he broke up with me! I was so upset, I just threw the tickets out. Why even bother keeping them! Who am I gonna go with, myself? No thank you, I’m not some kind of _loser_.” You pouted and made sure to speak with just enough hurt in your voice.

Kanaya didn’t respond, but her face noticeably softened. You glanced over at her, catching her peering at you from the corner of her eye before she quickly looked forward once more. “I’m sorry about that.” 

You frowned and shrugged, deciding to insult yourself for her. “Yeah, well, I guess I got a taste of my own medicine.”

Kanaya’s eyebrows rose slightly, but she didn’t say anything. Instead, she slowed her pace slightly so that you and her could walk side by side comfortably until you reached the gates of your school. You both waited by the chain link fences as buses pulled into the school’s parking lot, dropping kids off at the paved pathways to the entrance. You crossed the road when it was safe and followed the groups of students heading towards the front doors.

Your school wasn’t huge or fantastic, since you lived in a small town in the middle of pretty much nowhere. You had one floor, and the grades were 10th to 12th. You did, however, live a few hours from the city, but the only way to get there was through train. A lot of parents in your town commuted to the city for work, and the children normally returned from school before their parents did. Young kids were normally escorted home by volunteers from the police station or fire department, and occasionally some students from the honor society helped out. Terezi, one of the girls from your homeroom period, was one of them. She took a lot of AP classes and participated in extracurricular activities so that she could possibly get a scholarship to a good college in the city to study Law and Criminal Justices. You and her used to be close, but over the years grew apart with your different interests. Unfortunately, when you two ended up in the same class together, you made fun of her legal blindness and she lashed back at you pretty defensively. You ended up saying some really shitty things to each other and aren’t friends anymore. She makes it a point to remind you that you two are “arch enemies” and one day she’s going to “catch you in the act and put you behind bars.” Whatever that means. Are you some kind of villain?

“Oh!” Kanaya’s voice catches your attention, pulling you from your thoughts as you look her way. Her face lit up as she stared at the back of somebody’s head, grabbing your sleeve and gently pulling you along with her as she pushed through the crowd towards the short, light haired boy a few feet from the two of you. “Karkat.” She called his name, the boy turning his head and looking in your direction, trying to find the source of the voice that called out to him. He began to smile when he saw Kanaya, but stopped after he noticed you beside her. 

“Hey Kanaya.” She grabbed onto his hand and pulled the two of you out of the crowd for a moment once you were inside the building, heading down a much less populated hallway. “Hi.” He frowned and greeted you as well. You smirked a little, giving the short boy a salute. “Heeey, smalls. What’s doin?” He glared at you and huffed before turning to Kanaya. “I thought you were pissed at her. What’s the deal with spiderbitch suddenly hanging around now?”

 

“Spiderbitch? Pft-“

 

You snickered slightly and Karkat’s eyes narrowed even more. What a doofus. Kanaya conveniently stepped forward, wedging herself just slightly between the two of you. “Allow me to be the first one to spread the news. Tavros broke up with her.” Karkat’s eyebrows rose before he crossed his arms over his chest and slanted them, eying Kanaya suspiciously before looking your way once again. You nodded and give a small shrug.

“Well, that sucks. To be honest I was kind of expecting it, you two weren’t exactly a perfect match. I knew the relationship would turn sour sooner or later. Tavros is too introverted to be with somebody like you. There was roughly a 38% possibility of you two ever working out.” You pouted and raised an eyebrow at him before throwing your hands up in surrender.

“Yeah yeah, I know, you’re the _romance expert_. You saw the _whoooole_ thing coming. Rub it in a bit more, shorty. I’ll see you in class. Or maybe not, since I tower over you so badly.” You stick your tongue out at the blonde before quickly scurrying away and disappearing into the crowd before he could come back with anything. You could faintly hear him yelling down the hallway, and chuckled quietly to yourself.

You enter your classroom, which is barely half full. You take your seat all the way in the back in the far right corner of the room, placing your backpack on the floor underneath your desk.

Your class consists of 11 kids. There was Karkat Vantas, the short blonde who had strange reddish brown eyes and a loud mouth, and was best-dude-bros with Gamzee Makara, the stoner with a weird clown fetish. Tavros Nitram was also in your class, the self-conscious boy who was in a wheelchair because he lost his legs in a pretty bad car accident (also your ex-boyfriend). Sollux Captor, nerd extraordinaire, in all of his Asian nerdiness. He had heterochromia and wore these ridiculous two-toned prescription glasses. Who even does that? Oh, he was also best-dude-bros with Karkat. Then there was Nepeta Leijon… Two words: CATS and ANIME. Her older brother was Equius Zahhak, but not by blood. They’re step siblings. You don’t know what Equius’s deal is, but he’s one super sweaty dude. He’s on the wrestling team and gets anxious about a lot of things, but has no problem voicing his thoughts. You suppose you can respect that. There’s also Feferi Peixes, who wants to become a marine biologist. Bubbly personality and manages to force fish puns into every sentence like it’s her super power. She’s childhood friends with Eridan Ampora, the biggest douchebag in the school. Okay, so he’s actually pretty nice when he helps people out, but his personality sucks. Just… it really sucks. Kanaya Maryam is in your class as well. Tall, slim, and dressed to perfection. She tends to force herself into situations she doesn’t belong in, and it kind of pisses you off sometimes. Last but not least, Terezi Pyrope. You only have first and second period with her before she rotates into her advanced classes. Since your school is so small, usually the teachers are the ones who switch between rooms each period and the students get stuck with the same 10-20 kids for the entire year in one class.

You watch as the room slowly begins to fill with more students. You lean over and open up your school bag, pulling out the English books you’ll need for this period and placing them on your desk, opening it up and pulling your pen out of your breastpocket. It wasn’t a particularly cold day, but it _was_ fall. So, flannel shirts! Although it would probably get freezing cold later... maybe you should have brought a jacket. Oh well.

You doodle some pictures while you wait for the room to completely fill. Most of the drawings were of your WoW character, Mindfang. She was so super badass, and you had TOP GEAR that you fought tooth and nail for online during your late night Raid queues.

Okay, so maybe Ampora and Captor played with you and helped you get it… maybe. You totally don’t spend hours at night on the weekends gaming with those dorks and totally never LARPed with anyone when you were all kids. Nope. And you certainly don’t have dedicated DnD nights. Ha ha wow who would even suggest such a thing?

The bell rang just as you were putting the final touches on your master doodle and your teacher, Miss Lalonde, entered the room with Kanaya behind her. Lalonde was the adviser for the book reading and fashion clubs, so it wasn’t uncommon for the two of them to arrive together some days.

As every student sat themselves down, Lalonde stood at the front of the room, beginning the daily role call. Tired “here” ‘s and “yeah” ‘s were called out, and you let out a chipper “Present!” when your name was read, glancing over at Tavros as you did. Normally he sat in front of you, but he decided to take a seat behind Terezi on the other side of the room today.

He didn’t even look at you once.

Heartless bastard.

“Alright, everyone, I have an announcement to make.” Lalonde addressed the class, all of you giving her your full attention. “We have a new student today, and I’m going to need you to treat her like a human being instead of how you normally treat each other.” Nervous laughing from various students followed her request. She looked towards the door and motioned with her hand at someone on the other side to come in. The door creaked open and the sound of light, _very light_ , footsteps filled the room. 

You watched a short girl make her way over to Lalonde’s side. She looked about 5 foot 3, and had wavy, curly hair that reached her fingertips. She was skinny, and you couldn’t tell what ethnicity she was, but she looked a bit oriental. Maybe Japanese. Her skin was pale and practically white, like paper. It gave you the shivers.

“I would like you all to meet Aradia Megido. Her family just moved into town from out of state, so I expect you to make her feel welcomed here at her new home.” The new girl smiles politely at the class as they all welcome her in unison. It kind of irks you for some reason, probably because she simply nods her head instead of uttering any thank yous or hellos. You glance over to Karkat and Sollux to gauge their reactions. Karkat shows indifference, but Sollux is totally rocking some dumbfounded look on his face. You smile coyly to yourself and make a note to tease him about it later. “Now then,” Miss Lalonde's voice brings your attention back to the front of the classroom. “Aradia, why don't you have a seat next to...” Her eyes scan the room and you remember the fact that there is an empty seat in front of you because you can see Lalonde's face scrunch up slightly in reluctance. You roll your eyes and shrug in silent response, and the teacher lets out a quiet sigh through her nose before smiling at the new student. “Vriska, right there in the far back corner. You don't have any text books yet for this class and I'm afraid the school hasn't provided an extra for you yet, so you two will have to... _share_.” You'd bet 10 bucks that she was totally biting her lip at that last word.

Aradia simply nods, again ( _ugh!_ ), and slowly makes her way down the aisle to the desk in front of you. She places her bookcase on top of the desk, and you watch her as she folds her long, maroon skirt underneath her legs before sitting down. She's got black tights on and white flats, and a simple black t-shirt with some kind of zodiac design. Aries, you think??? Who cares. She turns towards you in her seat and smiles as you open your English books, pushing it to the edge of your desk so the two of you could read together. You frown, having to turn the book sideways and successfully breaking your neck trying to fucking read what chapter you were on. Aradia didn't seem to mind and simply pushed a lock of hair behind her ear, revealing her small, ruby earrings. You couldn't tell if she was overdressed or under dressed for school... She was even wearing a faint red lip gloss and had god damn perfect eyeliner with red eyeshadow.

“You'd get along great with Terezi.” You blurt out in a whispered voice as Lalonde read from the textbook to the class, scribbling notes on the board that you totally weren't copying down at all. Aradia looks up at you, confused, and you frown. Oh yeah, new, right. “She likes red, you like red, you're a match made in heaven.” You mutter out, but Aradia looks more put off by your comment than anything. You have a feeling she didn't really get the joke. “I'm kidding. Well, not about the red thing... It's her favorite color.” The girl raises an eyebrow at you and you're getting real annoyed with the no talking thing. You point across the room to Pyrope, who's writing diligently in her binder with a red pen, red framed glasses resting on the top of her head. “See her there? That's Terezi. You'd probably get along with her. She's, uh... nice, I guess.” You say unconvincingly but Aradia simply gives you a small smile and you finally notice she's got dimples. You adjust your big wire frame glasses and pull out your notebook from underneath your textbook on the desk, beginning your doodling ritual.

Aradia doesn't utter a single word, not even after you fall asleep on the textbook in the middle of a particularly long winded paragraph Miss Lalonde was reading.

“Vriska, seriously, you're a huge asshole.” Karkat repeats to you at least 3 more times as he bites into his gluten free sandwich. Feferi and Eridumb are casually picking at their trays while Karkat scolds you through mouthfuls of food. “One, you didn't even give her scrap paper to write on. Two, you fell asleep on the textbook you were supposed to be sharing with her. And three, Nepeta totally heard you nitpicking the shit out of the kind of clothes and makeup she was wearing. When do you stop, Serket? When the fucking sun blows up?”

You give a spectacular show of sighing at him and throwing your arms up in the air. “Hey! I wasn't making fun of the new chick! I said that she would totally probably get along with Pyrope because they both like red. What part of that is dissing? I think I behaved myself pretty well back there.” You fold your arms over your chest now. “And besides, who doesn't bring a notebook to their first day of school? Were you even watching her, she didn't open her book bag once!” You retort defensively, totally feeling justified. Nobody responds to you with that fact that you were asleep, and you hope it stays that way.

“ _In any case_ ,” Feferi interrupts the two of you, her brow furrowed. “You two are probably going to be sharing notes and textbooks for a few more days. You know how horribly slow this school is at getting new supplies for students.” Eridan mutters something like “Yeah it's total bullshit” to emphasize the point as he nods in agreement. You groan and slump in your cafeteria booth, trying to find anything, _anything at all_ in this stupid lunchroom to focus on and keep your mind occupied. You can't stand that smiley faced, dimple cheeked, ghostly looking girl. With her stupid curly hair and stupid perfect fucking _on point_ eyeliner.

“Ugh, I'll never survive. The girl doesn't speak. Didn't even say hello to me! And she's so... _weird_.” You spot a few kids at the far corner of the cafeteria throwing empty milk cartons at each other and getting caught by a few teachers on cafeteria duty. You ignore Karkat's obvious glaring as his stare bores holes into the side of your head.

“Not for nothin' but, y'know, the girl is _new_ an' all Vris. No offense but you ain't the most friendly person out here. Aradia's probably too shy or some shit to hold a proper conversation with any one. New school, new faces, you know how it is.” Eridan finishes off his chicken wrap, staring at you as if what he said should have been obvious. You make a face at him before looking back to Feferi. She slants her mouth and simply shrugs in that “he's got a point” kind of way that she does when Eridan actually says something of importance for once in his life. You know he's right, but you really don't want to admit that you should probably go a bit easier on the new girl. It's not like you weren't being nice to her before, she should feel honored that you didn't give her the normal newbie run down! What's a girl gotta do to catch a break around here, rescue a puppy from a well?

“Man, whatever.” You sigh and stand up out of your seat, grabbing your empty Styrofoam tray as Karkat piles his on top of yours. You head over to the garbage cans in the center of the cafeteria and toss the junk out, eying the room again out of habit. You spot Sollux by the two big entrance doors, sitting at one of the smaller tables and eating out of his lunch box. He's normally got his advanced Computer and Networking class around this time, but you guess even the invincible Sollux Captor, Computer Wizard, needs a lunch break. You'd head over to him and drag him over to your group to sit with, but you're painfully aware of his current company. Megido is sitting across from the boy, eating out of one of those stupid anime lunch boxes with a pair of chopsticks in her hand. The two are smiling and Sollux seems to be yammering on and on about something probably not important and Aradia looks like she's giggling at him, her smile big and friendly. Your stomach twists into all kinds of knots and you kind of want to go over there and ruin whatever powwow they're having.

 

So you do.

 

“You two seem to be enjoying yourselves!” The two of them jump in surprise as you pop up next to their table, grinning widely. Aradia's smile softens and Sollux's completely disappears as he glares up at you. He's got that look on his face like he wants you to spontaneously combust, and you are 100% relishing in it. “Scoot over, loser, I wanna talk to the new girl too.” Captor mumbles a bunch of “no”s and “stop”s and “oh my god I said no”s as you wedge your self into his seating space in the corner of the smaller booth. “You gotta lose some weight or something Sollux, I can barely fit in here.”

“You can barely fit because I'm trying to crush you between my body weight and the wall in hopes that you'll pop like a zit and be gone forever.” He grumbles out and you laugh, practically shoving him out of the seat with your feet in order to gain some elbow room, keeping him at bay. He groans and slaps a hand over his face, defeated.

“So, Megido, whatcha talking about here with Captor. Anything interesting?” You ask curiously. Aradia simply shrugs, averting her eyes a bit, before lifting her head up and smiling. Your eyebrow twitches. “He can get kind boring sometimes, you know, always talking about computers and whatever. What sort of things do you like? Got any hobbies? Are you gonna join any clubs?” Okay, maybe you're bombarding her a little bit, but if you don't ask now you'll never be satisfied. Aradia remains silent, pondering your questions it seems, but eventually just gives another God damn _shrug_.

“Dude, she doesn't want to talk to you, dipshit. You're making her uncomfortable with your atrociously abrasive personality.” Sollux pushes your feet off of the seat, taking one of the baby carrots from his lunch box and biting into it. You try to steal one but he slaps you on the wrist like a child. Whatever!

“It's not very gentlemanly of you to go talking for the poor lady like that! She's got a voice of her own, let her use it! Hey, new girl, you got a problem with me or something?” You scowl over at her, one arm folded over the table as you lean forward to give her your most intimidating look. Aradia raises her eyebrows, looking between the two of you, confused, before she gives a bit of a half heartened grin. “That's not an answer!” You sigh out and lean back in the booth, deflating. Sollux snorts and laughs at the reactions from both of you, giving you a nudge with his elbow. You pout and pull yourself out of your seat, walking across the table top and then hoping off on to the floor. “Whatever, you two can go back to your lunch date now. By the way, I'm so telling Karkat you ditched him to go hang with your new _girlfriend_ at lunch.” 

Sollux sputters and his cheeks turn red as he shouts after you while you walk away. You can hear him yelling “she's not my girlfriend, dickwad!” as you approach your group of friends, giving a wave. “Hey Karkat, you'll never guess who I just ran into!”

The sun is already setting as you start your walk back home from school, shivering in the cold afternoon air. It always gets more chilly during the evening, and especially at nights! Everybody has club activities going on except you, thus leaving you to walk home by yourself. You decide to take the long way home today, attempting to build up some body heat by doing a quick jog. Your house is going to be freezing by the time you get home, since your mother is still at work and you two turn off the heat in the house before leaving in the mornings. She normally shuts it off before she goes to work, which is an hour earlier than when you head out for school. There's enough warmth left in your small room to last you through a morning shower and getting dressed, but that's about it. You don't eat breakfast during fall and winter because it's just too cold to stay at home, and when it starts to snow you catch the bus with Tavros since they make a special trip to his house. The bus driver doesn't mind, it's not like there are any other handicapped kids in your tiny ass school anyway.

You turn down a gravel pathway, the one that crosses paths with that creepy road nobody goes down anymore. It's got nice scenery so it's not exactly creepy _looking_ , but people are always saying they get strange vibes or see weird things when they start getting closer to that old abandoned mansion at the top of your towns only hill. The crosswalk road between the gravel pathway leads up to the house, but it's been fenced off for years and years. You actually have no idea what the history of that place is. When you guys were little kids you and Sollux dared Eridan to climb the fence and sneak into the mansion when he and Sollux were totally trying to battle for Feferi's heart (it was more like a series of dares rather than battles, and neither of them won, it was a draw). Eridan nearly peed his pants and came back shouting about seeing a ghost by the window or something, but you guys were watching the whole time and called bullshit on him. You three wouldn't let him live it down for _years_ after that, and he still gets embarrassed about it. Ha!

You blow into your hands and rub them together as you pass the old road, trying not to get pebbles caught in your red converses. Of course, you do, and you have to stop to pull some of the small rocks out, mumbling profanities under your breath. The weather must've dropped while you were down there because you get an unpleasant chill up your spine and you shudder. The rest of your walk home is delightfully pebbleless and you turn the heat up in your house to 70F once you're inside, deciding to cook up a can of soup for you and your mother to eat once she gets home. The stove warms up the kitchen quickly and soon enough the radiators play catch up and the house feels nice and cozy.

Your mother sends you a text message saying that she'll be late so you take your bowl of soup to your bedroom, after putting the rest of the soup in the fridge, and huddle up in front of your computer, watching YouTube videos and playing PayDay 2 with Sollux as you tease him about his new “girlfriend” for about 2 hours. You ask him if Aradia plays games, he tells you that she doesn't have a computer or a laptop. You ask him if she has a phone, but again the answer is no. You tell him it's really fucking weird that she doesn't own as single piece of technology and he gives his Stern Nerdy Disapproval on the subject just as well.

You consider asking him about what sort of black magic he used in order to get Aradia to talk to him at all, but you quickly decide against it and instead log off of your account so that you can take a well deserved nap. You end up sleeping longer than you expected and wake up at 3AM to complete the homework you forgot to do.


End file.
